This website launched on the 20th July 2012, with all the fanfare of Bruce Gyngell launching television in Australia. By that I mean there was exactly the same amount of fanfare. I plagiarised his entire speech.

The site is now two years old, and although I’ve NOT ONCE looked at Google Analytics during that period to work out exactly how many people aren’t reading my posts …

Hey! how did this Google Analytics screen shot got here? .You have to believe me when I say that I never check. I’m a writer for whom the ACT OF WRITING is all that matters, hence my serene detachment from anything that records hits or sales or popularity. I’m like SYLVIA PLATH in that sense. Why am I suddenly writing in capitals? Why do people say I’m more like Danny Katz than Sylvia Plath?

But now the data has magically appeared, here it is, repackaged and overanalysed for the benefit of 62,810 people who visited once, and never came back.

Top 5 Posts

1 “You Idiots in Your Beds” – 2800 views.

Australia lose to The Netherlands at the World Cup. I lose the plot at a pub in Richmond.

2. In the Night Garden and the Time Something Actually Looked Like Happening –  2437 views
Remember when the Wottingers stiffed the Tombliboos at a picnic?

3. I Don’t No What I Did – 2319 views

The one that makes me laugh hardest. Scanned apology letters from Grade 3-4 boys who talked during my author visit.

4. Fine Thanks, and You? – 2,218 views

Post about my son Jack’s cerebral palsy, inspired by a beautiful piece of teenage writing I read as a judge for the Cancer Council Arts Awards.

 

5. Dog Day Afternoon Into Evening – 1903 views

Embarrassing account of forgetting I’d tied our beloved Charley Dog to a park bench.

 

 

 

 Top 5 articles

1. Love, Pain and the Whole Damn Thing – 1,852 views

Article for the ‘Love These Days’ series in The Age last summer. Again, about Jack and his cerebral palsy.

2. From the Other Side of the Desk – 1.469 views

A tribute to Fee- B-Squared, on her departure from Breakfasters.

 

3. Alan Woods and His Amazing Computer: A Nags to Riches Story – 1.385 views

A feature for The Monthly in 2005. It’s about how one of Australia’s most successful gamblers beat the system. I pitched a follow up to MONA founder David Walsh and he told me he ‘had the great misfortune’ to read my article, because it lionised Alan Woods. Harsh. I felt a bit better after I read Richard Flanagan’s feature on Walsh for the New Yorker, which made note of his legendary rudeness.

4. School Behind Bars – 1,237 views

Article for Good Weekend about Parkville College, at Parkville Youth Justice Centre.

5. And Another! – 1018 views

My contribution to ‘Footy Town’, a book about local and suburban footy. This one is about University Blacks. The ‘And Another’ title refers to our reserves goal umpire, who always took two photos after every win.

 

Top 5 Books

1. Making News – 1.647 views

2. Harry Highpants – 1,185 views

3. The Emperor’s New Clothes Horse – 976 views

4. The Elephant in the Room – 887 views

5. The Princess and the Packet of Frozen Peas – 844 views

So that’s it. 75,287 views, and at least 63,000 of those weren’t me. Ha ha. Not that I’d ever re-read my own posts. I’m like Sylvia Plath on that front. Once it’s gone out into the universe … blah blah …

And finally a thank you. The site was designed by Cameron Fink who is an enigmatic genius. Thanks Cam. It’s been fantastic.