I sometimes feel sorry for the Olympic Torch relay, because it hardly ever gets talked about without people bringing up Hitler. This is understandable, because for all its spectacular visual appeal, there’s no getting away from the fact that:

(a)    a transportable beacon raised aloft for the nationalistic edification of the people does seem like something Hitler would have liked; and

(b)   it was something he liked, which is why he invented it.

And yet without Hitler, the Olympic torch relay is really quite nice. It’s celebratory, it brings communities together, and it recognises significant contributions across a myriad of human endeavours. Which is why the Olympic torch relay is top of my list of potentially benign things (like the word ‘myriad’ – see below) that have been ruined by Hitler. Here is that list.

Toothbrush moustaches: These were working fine when Chaplin was their standard bearer. The result of Hitler making it moustachio non grata is that other novelty moustaches, like the handlebar, have been asked to do too much heavy lifting.

German Shepherds:  Hitler loved his German Shepherds that were variously called Blonda, Blondi, Wolf, Bella and Muckl. Although Inspector Rex has tried hard to rehabilitate the breed’s reputation, people are still wary. And yet at least at my dog club, German Shepherds are intelligent, obedient and affectionate. Mostly. Especially the ones that haven’t been trained by police to rip protestors apart.

The name Adolf: Adolf was once an okay name, even if Harpo Marx hated it enough to change his name to Arthur (this was before Hitler). And yet of an extensive list of famous Adolfs, only the Croatian singer Adolf ‘Dado’ Topic and the Indian politician Adolf Lu Hitler Marak were born post WWII.

The Swastika: Hitler has completely ruined temple tours in India, as well as the ancient Chinese character for the word ‘myriad’.

The Berlin Olympic Stadium: The Olympiastadion is awesome and awe inspiring, which again, is probably what Hitler had in mind. On the 70^th anniversary of the 1936 Berlin Olympics, I had a ‘Run, Tony, Run’ experience through the streets of Berlin getting to the 2006 World Cup final. It’s my favourite chapter of Australia United. Again, a grand occasion, if just slightly ruined by Hitler.

Stuffed Squab: Hitler was apparently not a vegetarian (which means he hasn’t ruined vegetarianism) but he has ruined stuffed squab, which was his favourite food. This will devastate fans of stuffed squab, and pigeon meat generally.

But it’s the torch relay that’s got me thinking about all this. Wouldn’t it be nice to see a grinning Ron Weasley, torch aloft, and not think ‘Hitler, Hitler, Hitler’? Wouldn’t it be absolutely fabulous to applaud Joanna Lumley and Jennifer Saunders raising the flame and not give a passing thought to the relay’s shameful origin story?

Which is why we should concentrate on the best the torch relay offers. And the best the torch relay offers is this little moment of quiet anarchy in Sydney before the 1956 Olympics. (via onlymelbourne.com.au)

A vet student named John Larkin, believing the torch relay received too much reverence, produced a fake torch out of a wooden chair leg and an upturned plum pudding can. He then stuffed a kerosene soaked pair of underpants in the can, painted his chair leg silver, and set off to fool the authorities.

Larkin did a fine job. By the time the underpants were burning and the flame was aloft, he had a police escort all the way to the steps of Sydney Town Hall. He presented the hoax torch to the official party with a due amount of ceremony, and the Mayor embarked upon his welcome speech without taking time to inspect the chair leg and the burning pair of underpants. By the time the speech was halted, Larkin had melted into the crowd and escaped.

My other favourite Olympic torch moment is a personal one. My father, Ray, ran the torch as part of the 2000 relay as recognition for his contribution to community football (or was it superannuation? — we were never sure). I wrote an article and made a short home video in the aftermath, which is notable for the way it exposes me verballing Jesse Martin.

Me: ‘Why did you run the torch here today, Jesse?’

Jesse Martin:  ‘Well they sent me this letter, asking me to run it.’

Me:  ‘Can you just say, “because I sailed around the world?”‘

Jesse Martin:  ‘Oh yeah, because I sailed around the world.’

Getting documentary subjects to say exactly what you want them to say. Another thing that’s been slightly ruined by Hitler.

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* I’ll post Dad running the torch shortly

** I should mention that Paul’s Ponderings blog considered ‘6 Things Ruined by Hitler’. Read it after I was underway with this.